Spiderman..Spiderman, does what a Spider can?

So I’ve been tucking into the new Spiderman PS4 exclusive this week and after close to five hours, I was hoping that it would solve the age old riddle, Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can?

Well, let’s compare the latest Sony title to a giant spider I found in the sink last week. Firstly, yes, both the PS4 Spiderman and this spider can stick to surfaces. The big bastard was pretty much vertical and managed to run round the rim of the sink, just like Spider does in the game. So far so good.

What else can they both do? Well, as I tried to catch the monster in my sink, I learned they are both fast. Spiderman on PS4 controls well and zips through Manhattan at top speeds, wall running and crawling where he pleases and the bastard in my sink ran circles round me as I tried to humanely put him in the glass. I am also convinced there is a certain cunning intelligence behind the spider in my sink and PS4 Spiderman. When he looked at me, his many eyes saw straight into my soul and darkest fears. Since PS4 Spider is a scientist and genius, as well as understanding his villains, I think there is enough similarity there. Lastly, there is the big spiderweb I found in the corner of the bathroom that I can only assume was the eight legged behemoths. Again, just like the goo that Spiderman PS4 flings around the place.

That said, there is a lot that Spiderman PS4 does that the Spider in my sink didn’t do. He talks. He has girlfriends, family, friends. I’ll grant that they both have enemies – in the spider’s case, me, but my spider was clearly a loner. Spiderman has technology behind him. My Spider doesn’t, or if he/she does, they were hiding it well.

So what about the things my Spider does that Spiderman doesn’t? Well, in the game, I swung across New York and did lots of things. The bastard in my sink just sat there. Spiderman gets out of elaborate traps. My Spider can’t get out of a fecking sink. Spiderman PS4 can take a lot of damage. My Spider lost a leg trying to avoid the glass, probably dooming it to an early death, or at the very least, a life spent telling the story of the monster with the glass. Also, I quite like Spiderman PS4. He is nice, fun and caring. The spider in my sink scared the living shite out of me and made me squeal like a stuck pig.

So, in conclusion, Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a Spider can? Well, clearly no.

Bloody game devs. Can’t even tell the truth there.

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